The takeaway is the same though. "I went to my hairdresser and they were hot" only gets you ostracized in very specific social circles. For 99.9999% of the world, it's normal conversation to have among friends.
I’m not really sure about that. I think if I told most people in my social circles that, they would look at me like I’m very weird.
I’m not necessarily saying they are wrong either. It’s a tough zone. If I imagine people I know saying that to me, in my head most of them come off lecherous and creepy.
I feel like close friends could say that stuff to me or vice versa but most of the time it would come off weird at best. Choice of words is also a big factor though. “Beautiful”, “gorgeous”, “attractive” are all more reasonable sounding to me than “hot” even though they all basically mean the same thing.
I’ve got friends that I’ve known for decades and would fly across the world if they needed. I’ve also got friends I see for drinks occasionally. Other people I might call friends that I don’t even have in my phone. It’s a big range and there are a lot of things my closest friends could reasonably say to me that more casual friends couldn’t.
To be clear, I’m also not saying anyone would ostracized for this, nor that anyone would ostracize me if I said this. But if one of my more casual friends randomly commented that their hairdresser is hot, I’d give them a bit of a sideways look, yeah.
This seems like it’s very prone to selection bias. I don’t think most acquaintances I have would be surprised or cut me off; and indeed, I’ve exchanged comments about passing women with people I’ve only met recently.
But that’s why I think it’s self selection:
- you mention that even from friends you would find it strange and seem to flock with similar perspectives;
- by contrast, I don’t and flock with people who don’t either.
And I don’t particularly see a problem with that — the world is a big place and not everyone needs to be to everyone else’s taste. But like many things, people seem to form cliques.
Discussing sex in non-sexual contexts is weird. Author goes at length how it was a private, personal experience in her own body and mind. And if it stayed there instead of being babbled out to a friend she would still have that friend.
I think it's a product of the environment. I've lived some places (lower middle class suburban factory towns) where that sort of conversation wouldn't have been uncommon at all. I've lived other places (upper middle class university towns) where it definitely would've gotten you some strange looks or distancing. The 99.9999% number definitely doesn't ring true to me.
