Thank you for sharing your story. As someone who's trying to get over my mom's passing (and not getting far) it helps so much to hear others. It wasn't until I entered the 'dead parents club' that others told me 'you never go over losing them'. Why is that some secret to bare after the fact? All my friends say 'just do some counseling'.
When my child was born, they filled a hole in me I didn't even know was there.
My FiL's passing has left a yawning chasm in me and an empty ocean in my SO's life. The club members are right, I think, you never really get over it. Time is not long enough to heal that wound.
And it's impossible to understand unless you've lived it. I think that's why its a 'secret', those on the other side just aren't going to understand. It's like trying to talk to someone in French by speaking English slower and louder. You have to go back a long ways down the communication chain, down to pure emotions. And no one wants to do that unless they have to, not just because it's too raw (and it is), but also just because it takes a really long time.
I have heard the 'just go to counseling' part too. Its ... well ... rage inducing. As if that could ever do any good and get me back to the person I was. I hear that too about veterans and their experience back home. Like we just defective and just go get fixed so that way we can go hiking and go to bars and concerts again and so you're not so sad and a bummer all the time.
Like, um, fuck you, you fucking child? Sorry ... ? Have some compassion and ...
But no, it's that they weren't there, they don't know, they can't, and that's a good thing.
You've crossed a bridge, you can't go back. They haven't, yet. They will, and then their pain will let them know your pain. And it will suck, together, for a little while, until that pain comes again in a new way.
Honestly, I can see why old people are so dour now. All these holes in their souls from all these dead people they knew.
Yeah, so, therapy didn't really help, I think you can tell.
