If you've already decided on cremation, look for a local Cremation Society. The term you're looking for is "simple cremation" where the deceased is cremated and the ashes returned to you. No ceremonies, no viewing, minimal decisions, minimal expense. Some funeral homes offer this also, they aren't the only option.
The celebration of life at a later date can then be organized when all involved are feeling up to it.
At my little country parish, we do burials in-house, including preparing the body. The friends of the deceased get to grieve by washing them, building their coffin, digging the grave, singing the funeral, lowering them by hand, and burying them.
After doing this, I can't imagine giving the body of a loved one to a funeral director to be burned.
From what you're saying I suspect that what actually makes you sad is the hands-off approach we take to funerals in general, regardless of the approach to the remains. Would you feel differently if cremation were done in the traditional way—on a funeral pyre lit by the grieving loved ones who watch as the body is consumed? And do you feel less sad about people handing off the body to a mortician to be prepared and buried through the more normal processes we use today?
For myself, I'm all for cremation, and I say that as a devout Christian. When I'm dead I don't want my family to make a big deal out of my mortal remains. That's not me, it's a shell that I left behind on my way home. Cremation emphasizes that I've moved on in a way that for me burial just doesn't.
> what actually makes you sad is the hands-off approach we take to funerals in general
That is a component, not the root.
> done in the traditional way—on a funeral pyre lit by the grieving loved ones who watch as the body is consumed?
Yes, that would be better. I still don't like cremation, but that is also a true sense of finality and closure. Would stink to high heaven, though.
> For myself, I'm all for cremation, and I say that as a devout Christian. When I'm dead I don't want my family to make a big deal out of my mortal remains. That's not me, it's a shell that I left behind on my way home. Cremation emphasizes that I've moved on in a way that for me burial just doesn't.
I am as well, but most traditional Christians do not believe in Ghost in the Shell. The body is an essential part of our being, and does not lose that aspect of our being after death. Cremation was previously only practiced by cultures that believed in a split reality—for example, the Norse pagans and Valhalla.
As Christians, we all believe in the bodily general resurrection and heaven being in "the same place" as we are now (assuming all Christians believe in one of the two forms of the Nicene creed).
Working from there, burial seems more appropriate.
Another believer with an alternate take on cremation that doesn't require body/spirit duality: God made man from dust, and even without cremation, to dust we shall return. It is really no trouble or extra work for God to raise the dead from scattered dust than it is for a relatively intact body, since that's what most resurrections would require anyway. Besides, when the resurrection occurs, we're getting better bodies anyway, so why worry about what happens to the old one? Intact burials are a tradition (which is totally fine), but not a commandment.
I did say "Working from there, burial seems more appropriate."
It's not about what God can or cannot do, it's about treating the body with the honor due as a member of the Body of Christ. Someone who is burned to death does not die at a disadvantage at the last judgement.
> Intact burials are a tradition (which is totally fine), but not a commandment.
Correct. I see your point, but lean towards tradition in cases of questions.
> assuming all Christians believe in one of the two forms of the Nicene creed
I guess this is where we part ways somewhat—I'm a devout Christian who does not accept the output of the First Council of Nicea as authoritative. I understand it to be a good faith effort to standardize what had already become a very diverse religion, but I don't hold it in higher regard than any other post-apostolic interpretation of divinity.
That said, I'm not sure that Nicea is relevant when it comes to cremation—the Creed itself doesn't have much to say about death and resurrection except that there will be one, which I accept wholeheartedly, but which at the same time doesn't persuade me that the mortal body sown in corruption is something God expects us to feel attached to or to attempt to keep intact after death.
> I look forward to the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come.
I don't see how this implies heaven being in "the same place" as we are now.
I also don't see how our bodies can be made perfect but only if we don't burn them up first. Seems like a major limitation of God's infinite power if he can take someone that's nothing but bones and make them perfect but someone who is a pile of ash is just too difficult.
> It's not about what God can or cannot do, it's about treating the body with the honor due as a member of the Body of Christ. Someone who is burned to death does not die at a disadvantage at the last judgement.
So having care in the process of burning the body and honoring the cremains isn't treating the body with the honor due but putting someone in a pine box and burying them in the dirt to be eaten by worms and "leach corpse juice into a water table" is treating the body with the honor due?
Because burning a body is inherently disgusting. Try it with a small animal, see how it is. Commiting someone to the earth is far less awful, far more natural, and just generally better.
In concept, cremation is lovely. In practice, you need a bone grinder, a cremation chamber that requires you to break the femurs of the dearly departed to fit them inside, and massive filtration to prevent the entire area from smelling of burnt corpse. Burial requires a box.
And rotting in a box "leaking corpse juice" isn't disgusting. Try it with a small animal, see how it is.
Honestly though, I can't really try it with a small animal as I don't have a cremation retort capable of reaching the ~1,500-2,000F that are common on actual cremation retorts. I don't know what kind of oven you rock in your kitchen but mine tops out ~500F.
I don't find it sad but your tradition sounds nice too. In the US, like most everything else, there are way too many rules and regulations and official processes around the simple, human experience of death.
I'm in the US—Tennessee, specifically. There are far fewer rules than you might think. Most of the rules that do exist apply only to funeral homes.
If you want to be buried on your land, for example, you have to check with the county office to make sure you're not going to leach corpse juice into a water table, and so that future people know not to build on your grave. That's it.
I think it all depends. My family is very dispersed. Many would need to get visas just to attend my funeral if I die here, and spend thousands on airplane fees on short notice. I would love to be burned and my ashes distributed among my family instead. Give each one a little necklace or ring or something with a piece of me, and give me adventure after my spirit has passed.
Different strokes, as they say, and the immense variety of funerary traditions, modern and traditional, strongly argues against attempting to paint ones own personal or community tradition against others. Amongst other concerns, this seems to increase the friction and pain of what's already an especially difficult experience for many.
I guess that is yet another thing people can have very different opinions on.
Everything you just mentioned sounds absolutely horrific to me. I would never want my family and friends to do any of that to me, nor would I do it for them.
Many of us are farmers. We see death plenty. Ignoring it or outsourcing it doesn't make it go away, and I don't believe it's healthy.
Burying my friend was hard. It was sad. I had a constant reminder of my own fate in front of my eyes. It's a deeply human experience, and I think that everyone should go through it.
The death I see in my normal life is much worse. I recently had to put a baby goat down. Can you imagine looking a baby goat who adores you in the eyes, then shooting it between those eyes? That shit hurts deep.
No one is running away from it. Please don't assume your experiences are wildly different from others without any basis for it.
No one is ignoring, outsourcing, or running away from it — the end result is the same, a person has died and people are grieving.
People grieve in different ways, how it's done is often tied to their communities and past practices. I would spend time with the deceased friends and family sharing our memories about them, often over multiple days together.
To me, fiddling around with the body and concerning others about how it's going to be put into the ground seems disrespectful to me — but I understand that's what some people do and that's fine.
P.S. you should put down goats by shooting slightly above the eyes, or to the poll.
Please don't take what I'm saying as an indictment of anyone. As a human race, we have outsourced death to those who are willing to deal with it, instead of being forced to come to terms with it. I'm saying that's bad.
Of course people grieve in different ways, but closure helps massively with the process.
> To me, fiddling around with the body...
You would not like what they do in funeral homes, much less crematoriums. It's more body horror than peaceful laying to rest.
> P.S. you should put down goats by shooting slightly above the eyes, or to the poll.
I use 10mm (placement matters less, cavitation causes instant brain-pudding), and was also using a colloquialism.
Respect, also other preparation at the same time. People begin to leak after being dead for a few hours, have to plug up and close some orifices, make sure the eyes stay closed. Also, hospitals don't do anything after death, and many people defecate upon passing.
While I understand your general point, this right here is one of the reasons why I'd strongly prefer cremation for myself. Knowingly subjecting friends and family to this feels... selfish, and probably traumatic for them to boot.
The celebration of life at a later date can then be organized when all involved are feeling up to it.