I realize that, but the Hindenburg disaster happened when it landed, and a balloon that's not carrying cargo or people doesn't need to land gently. It can jettison the hydrogen before it gets too close to the ground.

Is it dangerous to fill a balloon with hydrogen if you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing? Because that’s me. Helium just seems like I’m more likely to keep my hair and eyebrows long term.

Valid point. I certainly wouldn't want anybody to get hurt, or operate outside their comfort zone. At the very least I'd say that a helium system could be hacked (still some dangers from any compressed gas) but a hydrogen system would need to be engineered (and I'm not an engineer). And note the sibling comment about hydrogen leaking out faster, so it might not be practical anyway.