You sound exactly like me... it definitely was rough, though I wasn't as active in the end (got tired of right-wing viewpoints from the pulpit, so started staying home more and more)...
In many ways my shelf-breaking liberated me, in others it crushed pieces of me. In the end I'm probably more spiritual, if agnostic (though I do believe the universe could have some sort of universal consciousness, or be a simulation, or something along those lines and an afterlife is possible -- we are energy after all and perhaps whatever consciousness is - gets another purpose after it leaves...but none of the requires a deity, and I'm pretty sure all deities worshipped are man made, and even if there really were a GOD we're too insignificant to matter much to him, we're one tiny planet in a universe with billions of galaxies, probably billions of civilizations spanning eons, etc...
)
I'm often inspired by the beauty in the universe, or the things my children do, etc... or just humanity. Not having church context surrounding those things has made them even more enjoyable.
In many ways my shelf-breaking liberated me, in others it crushed pieces of me. In the end I'm probably more spiritual, if agnostic (though I do believe the universe could have some sort of universal consciousness, or be a simulation, or something along those lines and an afterlife is possible -- we are energy after all and perhaps whatever consciousness is - gets another purpose after it leaves...but none of the requires a deity, and I'm pretty sure all deities worshipped are man made, and even if there really were a GOD we're too insignificant to matter much to him, we're one tiny planet in a universe with billions of galaxies, probably billions of civilizations spanning eons, etc... )
I'm often inspired by the beauty in the universe, or the things my children do, etc... or just humanity. Not having church context surrounding those things has made them even more enjoyable.