Figuring out just how they're assholes in real life helps understand and contextualize the problem better. Are they oblivious, or dropping offensive memes at his kid, etc?

Does it really matter? If you reach your mid-30s and haven't figured out that mocking someone with ASD is wrong, I'm not going to waste my time educating you. I'll simply cut you out of my life, gradually or all at once.

The royal "you", not you specifically.

?? I asked the question more because I was just curious if there are legitimately like mid-30 year old groups of friends that haven't grown out of this "4chan attitude" of using the n-word, calling people "autists", etc.

I didn't ask out of a sense of voyeurism. More like a, "dang, is this something I need to watch out for when I get older?"

This is precisely it. A willful ignorance when referring to awkward people as "autists" along with tasteless WSB quotes.