I just have to say thanks for asking. I don't know if folks outside of a given field understand the particular insanity one in that field suffers.
TL;DR: on paper I have a perfect job/damn good life but I legit cannot force myself to do any work.
Let's look at the brass tacks for me and why I should be so happy:
1. 5+ years salary in the bank. 2. Several rental properties, all operating normally, covering all of our monthly expenses. 3. A high-paying remote job with infinite autonomy. 4. 10-month old baby, our first. My mom provides free childcare.
This person has it all, right? Oh my god no I have never been this miserable. Our partners are insurance companies, and they are always slow to work with. With COVID they are effectively non-operational when it comes to implementing new software. This means we just spin our wheels.
Life have never been so meaningless from 9-5. There are days when I don't even open my editor or attend meetings. There is just this incredible detachment amongst the whole team.
When I clock out, life is perfect. I never liked going out or anything anyways, so it's just the perfect excuse to sit and home and work on my creative projects.
I am currently working on a plan to take a leave of absence because the alternative is that I just resign. Sitting so close to the life I've always wanted (being a couch potato) and having my beautiful son to be with all day has made it impossible to contribute to my team and the guilt of that is gutting me.
TL;DR: on paper I have a perfect job/damn good life but I legit cannot force myself to do any work.
Let's look at the brass tacks for me and why I should be so happy: 1. 5+ years salary in the bank. 2. Several rental properties, all operating normally, covering all of our monthly expenses. 3. A high-paying remote job with infinite autonomy. 4. 10-month old baby, our first. My mom provides free childcare.
This person has it all, right? Oh my god no I have never been this miserable. Our partners are insurance companies, and they are always slow to work with. With COVID they are effectively non-operational when it comes to implementing new software. This means we just spin our wheels.
Life have never been so meaningless from 9-5. There are days when I don't even open my editor or attend meetings. There is just this incredible detachment amongst the whole team.
When I clock out, life is perfect. I never liked going out or anything anyways, so it's just the perfect excuse to sit and home and work on my creative projects.
I am currently working on a plan to take a leave of absence because the alternative is that I just resign. Sitting so close to the life I've always wanted (being a couch potato) and having my beautiful son to be with all day has made it impossible to contribute to my team and the guilt of that is gutting me.